Are You a Victim of Gossip Within Your Family?Destructive gossip in families is rooted in childhood hurts and resentments. A child who feels neglected, who is the family “scapegoat”, who has a sibling or siblings who seem to outshine him or her–that child is the one who often carries grudges into adulthood. That child tries
everything in his or her power to discredit the brother(s) or sister(s) whose “very presence” seemed to steal his or her “just desserts.” Let’s call the gossiper Flo. Flo’s anger is intense and is misdirected. The victim of destructive gossip, Mo, was a child at the same time as Flo. Mo didn’t do anything intentionally to hurt Flo. It is the parents who are responsible for a lopsided social order in families; it is the parents who choose to play favorites. The victim of destructive gossip is often paying for the sins of the parents. The sentence lasts a lifetime.Flo cannot acknowledge anything positive about Mo. Flo thinks that Mo is always favored by relatives, by parents, and by friends. Flo finds fault with everything about Mo, including his or her spouse and children. Flo is motivated to discredit Mo in every possible way. The problem is, Flo never feels any better. Flo cannot get filled up. In Flo’s eyes, Mo just keeps stealing the thunder. In a desperate attempt to achieve the status so longed for, Flo finally pulls out the big guns– destructive gossip. Flo knows exactly where to go and how to get started. Dial the gatekeeper of the rumor mill who is the one family member who specializes in spreading lies. It works. Family members who listen to the destructive gossip do not try to validate the accusations. They accept them hook, line, and sinker. Mo is accused and convicted without any chance of defense. Flo’s destructive gossip is painful enough, but the judgment and shunning by extended family members leaves Mo feeling isolated and betrayed.What is Mo to do?
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Destructive Gossip: Poison to Family Relationships
Stop Gossip Before it Starts
Gossip is the fuel that lights many fires. It destroys friendships, creates rifts between family members and is a totally destructive pattern. Why people are so eager to play the he said/she said game is troubling. You wonder if they have nothing better
to do with their time or whether the desire to see others argue and suffer actually resides somewhere deep within the human psyche.At times, it seems gossip travels faster than the speed of light. Gossip is a destructive habit whether the information being spread is true or not. In fact, it’s irrelevant. If people would mind their own business and deal with their own problems perhaps they wouldn’t have time to be so interested in the lives of others. There are those that look for negativity in others simply so they can feel better about themselves. There may be other issues that cause one to gossip incessantly such as low self-esteem or an inferiority complex. People that admit they are gossips but can’t seem to stop themselves should seek out the advice of a counselor. Everyone has the potential to develop bad or destructive habits but admitting it is the first step in overcoming them. Having someone to talk to really does help if you can be open and honest with yourself and with others. A professional counselor can provide ways to work toward eliminating negative habits if an individual truly desires to change. If you have a friend or relative that likes to gossip then you probably already know just how annoying and frustrating it can be to be caught in the middle of other people’s conflicts. The best way to control gossip is to stop it before it starts. But you might say, “I don’t gossip. I just sit there and listen.” Even if you don’t gossip, listening can be just as bad. You are an enabler. You enable the gossiping individual to continue to gossip. Even if you sit there and listen to the gossip one time you are permitting that person to use you as a sounding board. Once you have allowed them to do that they will continue to feel that they can run to you with the latest news.